


There is a Pleasure in the Pathless Woods

by moonflower89



Category: Gentleman Jack (TV)
Genre: Angst, Anne Lister's diary, Creative License, Drama, Europe, F/F, Fluff, France - Freeform, Gentleman Jack - Freeform, Happy times, Historical, Honeymoon, Romance, Travel, obviously some sexy times
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:41:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24712516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonflower89/pseuds/moonflower89
Summary: Summer of 1834. Ann Walker and Anne Lister embark on their three month honeymoon to France and Switzerland.
Relationships: Anne Lister (1791-1840)/Ann Walker (1803-1854)
Comments: 37
Kudos: 103





	1. Setting off on a Journey

Dover, June 14th

The sun had barely begun to rise over the white cliffs of Dover when the little port town came alive. Horse drawn carriages trotted over the cobblestone streets. Sailors, adjusting their uniforms,rushed passed passengers waiting to board the waiting sea vessels.

Ann Walker and her wife Anne Lister, along with their maid Eugenie and footman George, waited for their turn to board the old packet ship. Ann stared nervously at the old ship, the masts being prepared by the sailors, passengers in tow filling any space they could find on deck. This would be Ann's last time standing on English soil for a long while. And the thought of it made her feel a little melancholy.

*

The night before, Ann, dressed in her nightgown had been looking out of her hotel window, taking in how vast the sea looked. How endless. A big unknown void that they would soon be crossing.

“What’s the matter, Ann?” Anne moved slowly across the dimly lit room, placing her arms around Ann’s waist. They had been lucky enough to book their own double bed room at the Worthington hotel, an old inn that sat directly across from the water. Ann placed her hands on top of her wife’s.

“Oh, it’s nothing. It just looks so beautiful out there…and so big.” She sighed. “It’s a little overwhelming.”

Anne kissed the top of her hair. 

“It’s only a three hour journey. We will be in France before you know it.” She squeezed Ann tightly, resting her chin on her shoulder. “See the ship down there? Very reliable, very sturdy. Does this route daily.”Ann’s melancholic expression remained unchanged.

“And you’ll have me. Always.Every night and every morning.” Ann turned her body so she could face her wife’s. “ Every hour of the day. You won’t be able to be rid of me.”Anne finished with a wink. She leaned in and kissed her wife gently on the lips. Ann sighed.

"Aren't you a bit excited?" Anne inquired. 

"Of course I am. It's just, it's my first time abroad and, well, you remember what happened to my brother-"

" _Nothing_ is going to happen." Anne assured her as she said as she stood and led Ann by the hand to their bed. "Except that you'll find yourself falling in love with places you've never been before. You'll meet new people. You'll see sights you've only read about in books. And not entirely knowing what will happen day to day, is part of the adventure."

Anne climbed into bed next to her. “ And It’s our honeymoon after all.” Anne's enthusiasm was infectious. But Ann looked playfully unconvinced.

"I'll start reciting Lord Byron if I have to convince you-"

"Oh lord, don't do that-" Ann said, breaking her silence. 

" _There is a pleasure in the pathless woods-_ "

"No, Anne-" She groaned.

_"There is a rapture on the lonely shore-"_

Ann forced a kiss on Anne's lips to prevent her from reciting more. 

"If I keep kissing you, will you stop talking?" Ann asked breathlessly.

Anne smiled. "I suppose so."

Ann leaned in to kiss her again. 

An adventure awaited her.

*

“Passengers, please watch your step! Please let the boys bring the packages- _Madam_ -“

Ann watched as Anne walked briskly passed the officer, seemingly unaware of his pleas or of the boys carrying mail parcels onto the deck. Ann hurried after her up the gangway onto the main deck.

“Don’t you love it?” Anne said to no one in particular as Ann managed to finally catch up with her wife at the railing. Ann took a moment to watch as the waves gently hit up against the side of the ship.

Anne was speaking animatedly. “The sea air is nature’s cure. It clears the lungs, it clears the mind-“

“Did I see correctly that this ship is called _the Ferret?_ ” Ann interrupted with a touch of humor to her voice. She took some glee at the hint of annoyance that appeared on Anne’s face.

“Yes, well, ferrets are known to be fast, flexible-“

“-smelly.” Ann quipped. Oh how she enjoyed finding ways to her push her buttons.

Anne observed Ann out of the corner of her eye.

She leaned against the railing, closer to Ann’s face. She placed her hands next to Ann’s allowing her pinky to lightly brush up against her bride’s black onyx ring.

“That’s a nice ring you have.” Anne stated as she moved closer to her. Ann blushed with a smile and turned her face a way from Anne’s, avoiding the mischievous lookin her eyes. Anne leaned in closer speaking low enough for only Ann to hear her, “Be a shame if it fell into the English Channel.” 

Ann stifled a laugh and stepped away from the railing. “Be a shame if you had to jump in and get it.” 

“Oh, excuse me. Pardon me-“. Ann had accidentally put her hand on a man’s arm to steady herself as she carefully made her way through the crowd of passengers. The slow, back and forth motion of the boat was hard to get used to.She finally spotted Eugenie and Georgesat on a bench against the cabin. She smiled warmly at them. The two smiled back. They had only known Ann a short time, but already felt at ease with her.

“Everything put away alright?” Ann asked as she sat down next to Eugenie, Anne’s maid. 

“Yes, Miss Walker, luggage is away and the carriage is stored below.” George answered, standing up, clumsily offering Ann his seat.

The cliffs were barely in sight now, only the English Channel surrounded them. Ann closed her eyes allowing the sun touch her face. All of the anxieties she had surrounding this trip seemed to have dissipated with the horizon.  She felt herself dozing off, allowing the motion of the boat to lull her to sleep. 

"Ah, Excuse me, please-"

She opened her eyes just in time to see Anne making her way through the crowd, but not in the same brusk manner that she usually would. Ann could see immediately that something wasn’t right.

“Anne, what’s wrong?”

A ghostly pale Anne stood in front of George and motioned for him quickly to get up, so she could take his spot.

“That breakfast I had this morning.” Anne eased herself in between Eugenie and Ann. “Well, I no longer have it.” Eugenie instinctively tried to inch a bit farther away from her boss.

“Oh, Anne.” Ann responded sympathetically, patting her on the hand. “I thought a little sea air was supposed to do you good.” Playfully nudging her with her shoulder. She couldn’t help herself.

Anne scowled. “ _Ha Ha_. Laugh all you want, I just want to get off this boat.”

The rest of the voyage was spent with Miss Lister impatiently checking her watch every 5 minutes and Ann reveling in the sea air and sunshine.

Soon land was evident.“Ah! Look! There’s Calais.” A nearby passenger exclaimed.

Anne quickly stood up trying to see the horizon for herself. “Three and a quarter hours. Not bad. Not bad. Considering the wind.” She said as she checked her pocket watch, nodding to herself. Ann stood on her toes to get a glimpse for herself. She could just make out the harbor filled with bobbing boats and a long dock that stretched out into the water. 

"And so it begins." Anne said to her wife, barely containing her excitement. 

*

There was something exciting about being in a new country. The predominantly English accents she had heard back in Dover had given way to French accents. They had made their way to the hotel they would stay at for the night, before continuing their journey in the morning.

“There’s no lock on this door.” Anne muttered to herself as she brushed her hand down the door frame.

They had arrived at Hotel de Londres late in the evening. It was hard to see what kind of city Boulogne was in the dark, with most people already tucked away in their home for the night, shops closed up until morning, and a blanket of darkness shrouding most of the city from view.

“Surely this is a safe area?” Ann asked sleepily from her spot on the sofa.

“I have my bolt. Bramshaw bolt.” Anne said, not entirely listening to Ann as she walked across the room to retrieve the portable lock from her luggage.

“I’ve never used it before, but it should do the trick.” She turned back to Ann, only now taking in her question.

“You can never be too careful. It’s not just safety I’m worried about.” She walked back to the door, observing how she would fasten the portable bolt to secure it. “It’s privacy.”

Ann watched as Anne worked on applying the bolt to the door. A device she bought years ago from somewhere with some story attached to it that Ann couldn’t remember just then. But she loved seeing Anne lost in a project. Anne wearing her plain white shirt and dark skirt, had already taken off her waistcoat the moment they first walked in the door. Her sleeves were rolled half way up her forearms.How could she not feel safe with someone so capable, assured, and strong? But doubt was needling away at her.

“Do you think…do you think there’s any reason to feel…not safe on this trip?”

Anne opened her mouth to respond, but paused. She wanted to choose her words carefully.

“I think…if we are sensible and take extra precaution, we will have nothing to worry about.”

Anne looked back at Ann, giving her a reassuring smile.

“We have George…We won’t be treading into any uncouth areas…There. Finished.” Anne wiped her hands on a handkerchieffrom her pocket and joined Ann on the sofa.“And as far as anyone is concerned we are just two respectable companions.” Anne reached for Ann’s hand. “Good friends." She kissed one of her fingers. "Who sleep in separate beds.” Ann raised an eyebrow.

“But as far as we’re concerned, _you_ are my wife. I’m here to protect you.” She kissed the the top of her hand. “And to love you with every fiber of my being.” She turned her hand over, gently kissing her palm.


	2. What's in a Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loosely based on Anne's June 15th diary entry, which also marks the first time Anne refers to Ann as Adney.

Abbeville, June 15th

“ _Annie._ ”

Annslowly opened her eyes to see a fully dressed Anne Lister sitting next to her with journal in hand. It was still early the sun barely creeping up above the buildings outside their window.

“Are you talking to me?”

“Yes.”

Ann looked at her bewildered. “And you called me _Annie_?”

“Why not?”

“I don’t like it. It’s…babyish. Why not just Ann?” Ann asked as she stretched her arms above her head.

“Well, that’s _my_ name.” Anne smirked as Ann rolled her eyes.

“Why suddenly the interest in changing my name?”

“I just think I should have a pet name for you. Like…Ana or...I don’t know.”

Ann turned her body so she was completely facing Anne.

“How about _my Queen_ or _Your Majesty_.”

Anne tossed her journal onto the bed as she got up.

“Unfortunately nothing is springing to mind at the moment.”

Ann propped herself up on her elbows. “Or how about Empress? Goddess?”

Anne playfully ignored her as she gathered her things to pack. “I suppose I’ll just have to keep thinking.”

Ann smirked as she dropped her body back onto the bed, still hoping for a few more winks of sleep.

“We have to leave for Abbeville by-” Anne looked impatiently at her pocket watch, “-10 and you’re still trying to sleep.”

Ann groaned as she pressed her head further into the pillow. “It’s not my fault.” She fixed her eyes on the ceiling above before saying,“I was kept up by a mad woman who couldn’t keep her hands-“

“Shh!” Anne hushed her as she was trying not to laugh, hurriedly making her way back to Ann’s bed.

“-Hands to herself _and_ ,” Ann continued at an excited whisper now, all while avoiding Anne’s hand which was trying to cover her mouth, “And! Who takes too long.”

“Takes too long!” Anne exclaimed in mock offense.

“Shh!!”

“No, no. _I_ don’t take too long. _You_ take too long, my dear.”

“You have to make a show of it-“Ann teased. Anne was laughing now. She reached for Ann’s arms and pinned them down.

“But you love it.”

Ann narrowed her gaze on her wife. “Do I?” She asked.

Anne placed a soft kiss on her lips.

“I do.” Ann sighed, answering herself.

*

They set off on their seven hour journey later in the morning. Ann's neck became sore are the carriage jolted and bounced along the bumpy road. Anne read a travel guide quietly next to her, as Eugenie sat across from them fast asleep. They arrived in Abbeville later in the afternoon, a picturesque little town near the mouth of the English Channel. After settling into the Hotel d'Europe, they made their way to an early evening sermon at a nearby church.

“Abbeville is a beautiful place. We’re always so happy to have visitors here. So many places you should visit before you leave-“

After the service was over, Ann had found herself trapped in a conversation with an elderly local man who was very keen to share old war stories and historic trivia about the town.

“Napoleon rode through here, years back. I shook his hand-“

The pain in Ann’s neck from the long carriage journey had spread to her head. She rubbed her temple having trouble concentrating on the barrage of words coming out of the old man’s mouth.

“-I thought he looked rather tall actually-“

Ann’s shyness didn’t always result in her simply being ignored, sometimes the opposite would occur, and she would find herself trapped in conversation with someone who didn’t know how to stop talking.

...they tried to enter us, we were not going to let them enter us.."

Ann who had long lost the train of the conversation, began looking around the pews for Anne, who had disappeared to talk to the minister. 

“-And that’s why they call us _the Virgin_. Are you married?”

“P-Pardon me?” Ann's attention snapped back to the conversation at hand, of which she had no idea how they got on the topic of virgins. 

“Ah! Miss Walker, there you are.” Anne walked up next to Ann and shook hands with the old man.

"Oh, Miss Lister. We were just discussing how Monsieur Pierre is a vir.." Ann immediately realized how wrong her words sounded as they were coming out of her mouth.

"How Abbeville was named the virgin city for holding fast against enemies of the Capetian kings." The old man haughtily corrected.

"Right." Ann said meekly. 

The Old man turned his attention towards at Anne, confused by her appearance.“ _Bonjour_ sir-“

“Miss Lister.” Anne quickly interjected. “Miss Walker is my niece."

Ann felt her body tense at the word “niece.”

“Two women traveling! Ha! I hope you have a man about.” Anne explained that they had their footman and maid traveling with them, which seem to satisfy the old man.

“Good. You have to be careful around young men.” He said directed his caution at a bewildered Ann. “You’re an innocent and pure being, I can see, but I was also a young man once and let me tell you-“

“Look at the time!” Anne managed to interrupt. “Miss Walker, we must be going. We’re late for the...” Anne was at a loss for an excuse.

“…the thing.” Ann finished.

“Yes...the thing we have to do.”

The two said their goodbyes and quickly made their exit from the church, making sure they were far enough before breaking out laughing.

“What just happened?” Anne asked taking a breath.

“I haven’t the foggiest idea. All I know is I’m certain he’s made my headache worse.”

"I think you called him a virgin." 

Ann shuttered at the memory. "I think I did." 

“How long were you stuck there for?”

“It felt like ages, Anne. Or should I say _auntie._ ”

Anne sighed. “I know. But If I say we’re companions or good friends than they are more likely to notice something. A look. A touch. They’ll jump to conclusions. Whereas saying that I’m your aunt, our...interactions, if we let them slip, would then be then viewed as lovingly in a…”

“Matronly sort of way?”

Anne winced. “Not the word I wanted to use.”

“Platonic.”

“Sure.” 

“Once we get to Paris people are much more open minded. Not that we’d make it _known_ of course, but we won’t have to actively hide…as much.” The found themselves in a garden, with wild flowers and grass flowing in the breeze. Ann, looking at the serenity of what surrounded them, wondered what the hustle and bustle of a capital city would be like. 

"Do you think I'll like it?"

"Paris? Absolutely. It is my favorite city. It's alive with curiosity, and intelligence, art, music, the most _fascinating_ people. _"_ Anne was animated, punctuating each point with the movement of her hands. She looked sheepishly at Ann, suddenly self conscious of her own excitement. 

"It's beautiful city and I have so many fond memories of it. You will too."

Ann hesitated. "It's just...you know I don't do well speaking, particularly at parties, with people I'm not familiar with."

"You didn't do too badly with Old Pierre at the church." Anne quipped. 

"I didn't say anything."

"Sometimes you don't have to. A lot of people just like to hear themselves talk, myself included." Anne said with a smile. "But you're a good listener, Ann. And you're intelligent, curious and kind. Those attributes shine through."

*

Ann lay in bed, letting her eyes wonder over the walls and the ceiling, observing her new surroundings. She thought about what the next few months would look like. A new bed every night, new towns, new faces. The anxiety that was with her on their first night of travel started to creep back up again. 

“Why are you still awake?” A voice from the bed next to her asked softly.

“Just thinking.” Ann turned on her side to face her wife, who was looking back at her.

Hopefully about nothing that makes you feel low.” Anne responded.

Ann shook her head. She didn’t want to bother Anne with her anxieties. “Why are you still awake?”

“ _I_ was thinking.” Anne quipped.

“Oh were you now? About what?”

“About you.”

Ann smirked. “Still trying to think of a name for me?”

“Maybe.”

Do you want to…come give me a cuddle?”

“I don’t know, Miss Walker, considering how _innocent_ and _pure_ you are, and how you have to be vigilant of any dastardly men about..“

“He didn’t say anything about dastardly women.” There was a hint of dare in Ann's voice. 

“I’m not dastardly.” Anne said defensively as she sat at the end of Ann’s bed.

“Bed is a bit small…”

“We could try and make it work.”

Anne lifted the covers, revealing Ann’s bare legs, her body only clad in her nightgown. Anne slow began to lift the nightgown above her thighs, then above her queer. A shudder went through Ann’s body. Anne placed gentle kisses up Ann’s thighs.

“I’ve been waiting to do this all day.” She whispered.

Anne was about to place her lips on her centre, when she stopped her. Ann wanted to feel Anne’s whole body against her’s.

“Anne, kiss me.”

Anne lifted her body moving her hands up so they would be on either side of Ann’s head. Except she misjudged where her hand was going, finding only air instead of the mattress.

Anne toppled over the side of the bed, her shoulder hitting the floor first.

“Anne! Are you alright?” 

Anne winced in pain, “Yes, I’m fine.”

There was a loud knock at the door. Ann quickly covered herself up with the blanket as Anne made her way to answer it.

“What is it?”Ann said with annoyance as she opened the door.

“I just heard a loud bang and I wanted to make sure everything was all right, ma'am.” A nervous George was standing there with a lamp.

“Everything is fine. I had a nightmare, fell out of bed because they are so bloody small and now I’ve probably woken up the whole hotel. So yes, everything is fine. Goodnight.” Anne closed the door before George could get a word in.

She turned around, still feeling sore and frustrated, only to see her Ann looking back at her, with her messy hair and tired, disappointed eyes.

“I still want a kiss.” Ann said quietly.

Anne’s expression softened.

“Oh, Adney.”

Anne went back to Ann’s bedside, engaging in a passionate kiss.

“Is that it then? Adney?” Ann asked.

“I like it. Don’t you?”

A small smile began forming on Ann’sface.

“Come back to bed. I’ll hold you tight so you won’t fall.” 

Anne climbed on top of her, so their bodies were flush together. Ann put an arm around her wife’s waist. They shared another kiss. Anne then began placing kisses along her collar bone.

Ann put her lips next to her ear. “I like Adney.” She whispered.

She felt Anne smile into her skin. Anne began to move her hand up Ann’s nightgown, finding her wet. Ann moaned into her neck, still gripping her tightly. She pressed herself into Anne’s hand. Anne found her rhythm, inserting her fingers into Ann. Ann gripped Anne’s waist even tighter, burying her face into Anne’s neck. Finally, She felt ecstasy overcome her.

Anne looked down at Ann and smiled, “Adney.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are facts mixed with some fiction in there, which is basically how these chapters will go. Anne almost falling out of bed while having sex with Ann: fact. Ann getting trapped in conversation with an old man about virgins: probably fiction. Can't wait for Paris. I have to shout out https://woollyslisterblog.tumblr.com/ because that's where I'm getting these transcribed diary entries from.


	3. Hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its's a traveling day. Quick one. Anne's thermometer guest stars. NSFW

En route to Beauvais, June 16th

The next day was a whirlwind of preperation, packing and travel. After they had breakfast, they all bundled up into the carriage for another full day journey. They drove past small picturesque villages and landscapes that Ann would have loved to have been able to sketch. But, besides some short stops to stretch their legs,they were on a deadline to get to Beauvais before nightfall.Anne had ordered George to go faster than their usual speed, which in turn sent Eugenie looking for fresh air next to George at the front of the carriage.

It was just the two Ann(e)s inside the carriage now. Anne was writing diligently in her journal as Ann looked absentmindedly out the window.

“Why not take your sketch book out?” Anne asked without looking up from her writing.

“What would I sketch? It’s just a blur outside.”

“Well you could sketch me, if you like.” Anne responded, giving her a half-smile.

Ann studied her for a second.

“You’ve always said you wanted to draw me.” Anne continued.

“I have drawn you before.”

“When?”

Ann looked down at her hands. “You weren’t there…it was from memory.” She responded quietly.

“Well then, why not in the flesh?” Anne flashed her a smile. “We still have at least 3 more hours to go.”

“Alright,” Ann relented as she moved to sit across from her. “But you have to be still.”

Anne impatiently tapped a finger on the cover of her journal. “How still?”

Ann took her sketchbook and pencils from a travel bag stored under the seat. “You can still write, but don’t go checking the time, looking out the window, checking the temperature-“

“Alright, alright.” Anne readjusted her seating position, sitting more upright and moving her head just so. Ann laughed. “You’re not going to be able to keep that position for long.”

Anne looked defensive. “I can’t look like a slouch.”

Ann turned to a clean page, smoothing it out with her hand. “You won’t look like a slouch.” She assured her.

She waited until Anne settled back into writing before she began.

Ann observed her face, how her brown curls fell softly on either side, her concentrated expression, her lips slightly apart.

They carried on that way for a bit. Both working diligently in their own little worlds.

However, much to Ann’s annoyance, her wife soon began to get fidgety. She turned her head just as Ann was trying to sketch her jaw, trying to discreetly reach for her weather thermometer.

“Oh Anne!” Ann said impatiently.

“What?” Anne said while clutching her thermometer. "I’m sorry. I just noticed a significant temperature drop and was curious.”

Anne quickly reverted back to her restless ways, moving her head from either window to check on the scenery, looking at her pocket watch every 5 minutes, etc.

Ann’s drawing was half finished, but she knew she couldn’t complete it without Anne’s cooperation. She have gave up that sketch for now, pondering on what else she could draw. 

Her eyes fell upon Anne's hands, which had remained mostly in place while she wrote. She loved her hands. She admired how feminine yet strong they were. Always at work in one way or another. With a new source of inspiration, she began to draw. 

After awhile, Anne raised her eyes from her writing, catching a quick glimpse of her wife.

“How’s it coming?” Anne asked.

Ann hesitated. “You didn’t stop moving, so I couldn’t complete the full drawing of you just yet.”

“Well, what are you drawing now?”

Ann sheepishly returned back to her seat next to Anne, clutching her sketchbook.

She then revealed a detailed sketch of Anne’s hands, one hand softly placed on the journal, the other cradling a pen. She paid close attention to her slender fingers,every bone and vein that softly appeared across the top of her hands. A little faded scar that ran across the top of a knuckle.

Anne took in a breath. “Oh.” Taken aback by the surprisingly intimate drawing.

“I love…your hands.’’ Ann began carefully. “I’ve always loved them. I remember when you came to visit me again, and you were resting your hands on the back of the sofa...It sounds silly.” Ann blushed. “ I just love how strong they are and how slender. How they make me feel safe. I miss them when they’re not near me, not touching me.” Ann reached out clasping one hand with hers.

Anne looked towards the window, and then back towards Ann, revealing a hunger hiding beneath.

She locked her eyes with Ann, swiftly putting one hand up her petticoat, resting it on her thigh.

“Anne-“

“Shhh. ” She asked her quietly. She kept her eyes on Ann's waiting for a nonverbal indication to continue. 

Ann nodded, her eyes wide with want. Anne crept her hand closer until it reached her centre. 

Anne kept an eye on the window, on alert for any intrusion. Her expression remained mostly neutral, although tense. Only her heavy breathing giving away that she too was filled with desire.But Ann’s soft moans brought her attention fully back to her wife.

“You have to be quiet, love.” Anne whispered into her ear. She had the urge to whisper more, about how beautiful she looked or how wet she was, but thought better of it. She couldn’t risk loosing control with Eugenie and George so close by.

Ann clenched her jaw and raised her body as she began to climax. Anne moved her hand faster, still keeping an eye on the window.

Soon Ann’s breath began to slow down, and she put a gentle hand on Anne’s arm, indicating that she was finished. Ann smiled at her, wanting to kiss her but realizing they were already pushing their luck. They sat together in a quiet, blissful state for the rest of the journey.


	4. Dinner in Paris

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They've arrived in Paris.Yay! But there's some drama during dinner when Isabella Norcliffe makes an appearance.

Paris, June 17th

Ann watched as the small houses and dirt roads gave way to neoclassical buildings and large boulevards. They had entered Paris in the early afternoon after another lengthy journey in their trusty carriage. Ann was completely taken with the mixture of new and old that the city had on display. Large squares, old cafes, and beautiful monumental churches would come into Ann’s view from the carriage window. Her eyes were wide, trying to take all of the sights in at once. Ann had an overwhelming desire to visit them all. She wanted to see what lie behind the windows of every building, talk to every person who passed them by. Her usual quiet nature had been overcome by the excitement of a new environment. 

As they arrived at the Hotel de la Terrace located near the center of the city,Ann could already tell her wife’s mind was fully occupied with all the excursions, meetings, shopping trips, shows, etc. she had planned for their stay.

“I have to get the passports sorted, order new gloves,and I should see if Madame de Bourke is still in the city, we’ll make a call on the Norcliffes tomorrow-“ Anne listed emphatically as they settled into their new abode.

Ann watched as Anne walked this way and that way across the floor. “Lord, Anne, we’ll be here for a full week.” Ann implored as she tried to calm her wife down. 

“And there’s so much to see and do in such a limited amount of time.” Anne said as she placed her hat on her head. “I’ll be back in time for dinner.” Placing a chaste kiss on Ann’s cheek. Ann had barely any time to register that Anne was planning on starting her to do list immediately when the door shut and she was gone.

*

The had dinner in the hotel’s dining room. It was a spacious hall, completely white, decorated with mirrors and flowers. It was already filled with patrons when they took their seat at a table in the corner of the room.

“Did you get a lot done?” Ann asked she took a sip of wine.

“Oh yes. Settled the payments for the hotel, I ordered us new gloves and shoes. “ Anne smiled at her wife.

"Well, I missed your company while you were gone." Ann said sheepishly quiet enough for only the two to hear.

Anne gave her another warm smile. "I can't wait to explore the city with you tomorrow." Ann felt invigorated at the prospect. 

"There are so many places I'd like to visit-" 

“Well this is a pleasant surprise!” Anne and Ann both looked up to see a well dressed brunette walking up to their table.

“Tib!” The two embraced. “I was going to call on you tomorrow.”

Anne quickly introduced Isabella Norcliffe to Miss Walker, exchanging pleasantries. Anne signaled to a nearby waiter to fetch them another chair.

“I saw Eugenie at the Place Vendome. I thought to myself, ‘I know her from somewhere.’ Of course, Shibden! I think I startled her a bit. But she told me you were staying here. So I had to come see you.” Isabella grasped Anne’s hand.

Ann tried to hide her visceral reaction at seeing Isabella’s eagerness.

“How did the two of you meet?” Ann managed to ask.

Anne quickly responded, “Oh, years ago. In York. Same social circles. We’ve been friends ever since.” Something in Anne’s voice told her that she wasn’t telling the whole story.

Ann’s patience waned as the night went on. Discussions went from their travels to old memories to gossip. She quickly learned Isabella was quite the talker, not allowing her to get a word in edge wise. And when she was able to say something, she could feel Isabella forming judgements in her head.She increasingly began to feel she was practically invisible to the both of them.

“We stayed in Beauvais last night.” Anne stated before getting distracted by Isabella pouring herself a third glass of wine.

“Tib, are you sure you don’t want to eat?” She asked as she watched Isabella take a large swig from her glass. Ann clocked that this may have been a bit of a habit for Anne’s old friend.

“No, no.” Isabella waived her hand. “Already had dinner before I arrived.”

Anne hesitated but decided to continue with her story. “Same inn I stayed in years prior with Lady Vere.”She said wistfully. "Same as I remembered."

Ann felt uneasy at the mention of Lady Vere. She couldn’t recall Anne mentioning her before.

“Who is Lady Vere?” Ann forced herself to ask. Anne and Isabella both turned to Ann as if just remembering she was seated right next to them.

Anne blinked. “Uh, She was a…friend. Travel companion.” 

Ann was desperate now to keep any look of disappointment or worry from crossing her face. "It was a long time ago." Anne said dismissively, all while avoiding her eye contact. 

“So…how did the two of you meet?” Isabella inquired between sips. Taking full advantage of the awkward silence that had just transpired. 

“Actually, years ago. She had come to my home and-“ Ann began before being interrupted.

“You must have been a baby.” Isabella scoffed.

The pleasant expression Ann had tried to sustain on her face was beginning to sour.

“Not quite.”

“We actually reconnected, in the past two years or so.” Anne interjected with an unnaturally cheerful tone. “And we both found we had a lot in common,” Anne nervously looked at her wife out of the corner of her eye. “including a desperate need to go out and see the world! So…here we are.”

"Have you ever been to Paris?" Isabella narrowed her gaze on Ann.

"Oh um...no. This is my first time." 

"Surely you've been to France?"

Ann felt uncomfortable with Isabella's line of questioning. It wasn't friendly small talk, more like an interrogation.

"No, actually this is my first time abroad." 

"Hm. That's surprising, a woman of your rank. Not curious about other cultures, countries?" Anne shifted uncomfortably in her seat, shooting a pointed look at her old friend. Ann knew Isabella was clearly forming her own version of who she was, a vulgar and unsophisticated version, which she would hold steadfast to regardless of what Ann said or did.

"Quite the opposite." Ann stated simply.

"Well, it's good then that Miss Lister came along then to open you up to the world." Isabella shot a pointed look back at Anne. "I'm sure she has in many ways." 

Ann immediately picked up on the suggestion and an undertone of bitterness in Isabella’s voice. She had had enough.

“You know, we had such a long day and I’m feeling quite tired. I think I’ll retire for the night.”Ann made her goodbyes and walked hurriedly out of the dining hall, leaving the two friends alone.

“Tib-”

“So that’s little Miss Ann Walker. Your new _friend._ ” Isabella had an incredulous look on her face.

Anne tried to speak in a measured, low tone hoping Isabella would catch her meaning. “I’ve told you before. She is in fact quite a…permanent person in my life now.”

“Right.” Isabella said as she leaned back in her chair. “She’s quite young, a bit…dull.”

Anne pursed her lips, shaking her head.

“No, it’s surprising, Anne. That out of all the women-“ Isabella looked around the room, having momentarily forgotten the people that surrounded them, she leaned in closer, “-out of all the people you were _attached_ with, _she’s_ the one.”

——-

Ann was walking quickly up the wooden staircase back to her room. She could feel the anger rising in her chest, tears blurring her eye sight. How was it there was so much that she didn't know about Anne's life? Why didn't Anne tell her? The questions raced through her mind as she reached her floor.

“Miss Walker?”

She could barely make out Eugenie standing in the hallway.

“Is everything alright?”

“Well…” Ann was ashamed at how her voice trembled.

Eugenie didn’t let her finish her sentence before taking her by the arms and leading her into her room. She sat Ann in a wooden chair next to the window before sitting on a stool a few feet away. The words came spilling out of her.

“I just…I don’t like being looked down upon.” Ann took a deep breath. “I know I’m not the most exciting or worldly person, and this all probably sounds so silly to you.” Eugenie shook her head, encouraging Ann to continue. “But I know I’m not stupid.” The tears were falling down her checks. “How dare she interrupt our dinner and just-“

“Was this the woman? Isabella…something?” Eugenie asked. Ann nodded her head.

“Yes, she seems to have been…good friends with Anne.” She could taste the bitterness in her own mouth.

Eugenie sighed.

“I know what it feels like to be looked down upon.” Eugenie began. Ann looked at her, sympathy spreading across her face. “And I’ve learned, over the years, that people only treat you poorly when they feel threatened by you.” Ann reached out and grasped Eugenie’s hand.

“I’m hardly a threatening presence.”

“I don’t mean to speak out of turn, but you’re a good person, Miss Walker. You’re different than them, perhaps. But maybe those differences are something they wish they had.”

Ann wiped her tears away with the back of her free hand.

“Please, call me Ann.”

Eugenie smiled, waiting for Ann to compose herself.

“Thank you, Eugenie.” She let out a shaky sigh. “I know I shouldn’t let it get the better of me. I just know…I’m not who they think I am. Whatever it is they think I am.”

They talked a little while longer after that, and Ann cherished the new sense of camaraderie that had developed between the two women.

As she said her goodnights to Eugenie, Ann stopped as she made her way to the door.

“Oh, Eugenie? Anyone who looks down on you is a fool.”

\----

Back in the dining hall, Anne was still defending her choice. “She is kind and generous. And curious. She has a good soul and...” Anne took a deep breath. “...she loves me.” She practically mouthed the last words.

Isabella nodded in resignation.

“You’re quite lucky then.”

Anne ignored the hint of sarcasm. “You've had a lot to drink tonight, Tib. I'm going to, for the benefit of our friendship, blame everything you've said tonight on that fact." Anne was trying to keep her voice calm and reasonable. "But I think you should both meet again, before we leave Paris. In a more informal setting. You’ll see then.”

“Of course.” Isabella gave a detached response.

“You’re one of my closest friends.” Anne said squeezing Isabella’s hand. “I want you two to get along.”


	5. Something Different

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a longer one. Ann and Eugenie go on a little adventure. 
> 
> Some background. I wanted Ann to explore Paris in way she probably didn't get to in real life. So I thought Montmartre would be a good place to start. It's a neighborhood in Paris, back then it would have been a village just beginning to show hints of it's Bohemian roots. Later on in the century, the Moulin Rouge would be built there, it would be home to some of the biggest artists of all time, some of the most famous lesbian artists of the early 20th century would live there. At the time Ann is visiting, the Moulin De La Galette, would be one of the hottest spots at the time. A cabaret/restaurant, it was where the inhabitants of Montmartre would come and relax after work. 
> 
> The next few chapters are going to deviate a lot from the diaries, because there's just so much happening in Paris at this time that would be fun for the two Ann(e)s to see.
> 
> Also a lot of French people are going to be able to speak English because it's just easier that way.

**Chapter 5**

Montmatre, Paris

Breakfast was quiet. The tension created the night before hadn’t eased.Ann focused all of her attention on the eggs and sausage that was on her plate. Anne, too, was far more focused on eating than conversing.

Anne finally broke the silence by clearing her throat. “I have some calls I have to make today. It’ll probably take up most of the day. You could come if you like.” A hint of hope in her voice.

Ann kept her eyes on the plate. “No, I’d rather keep myself company today.”

Anne wiped her mouth with her napkin and placed it on the plate. “Suit yourself.” Anne frowned. “I’ll be back for dinner.”

*

Ann was sat in a chair in front of the dressing table as Eugenie was diligently doing her hair, making sure her curls were just so. She was lost in her thoughts which had been ping ponging from one emotion to the next. Feeling a flash of anger about the night before, to a sense of dread at the idea of spending her first full day in Paris within the walls of her hotel room.

“Is Paris where you are originally from, Eugenie?” Ann asked, looking at Eugenie through the mirror.

Eugenie shook her head.

“No. I’m from Dieppe. Beautiful little town right on the Channel.”

“We were right near it!" Ann said, turning to face Eugenie. "Why didn’t you tell us? We could have made visit.”

Eugenie shook her head. “Oh no. We were already very busy.” Eugenie eyed Ann cautiously. "Miss Lister doesn’t like to divert from her plans…”

Ann nodded in agreement. “No, she does not.” She muttered more to herself.

“I do have a sister, Estelle, who lives just outside of the city limits, in Montmartre. I plan on visiting her some time. Perhaps today, if I’m not needed.”

“Absolutely you should!” Ann exclaimed.The idea of Eugenie exploring the city made her excited and perhaps a little jealous.“Would…would you like company? I wouldn’t want to intrude of course.”

Eugenie looked delighted at the response. ”No! You wouldn’t be intruding at all.” But then she hesitated.It’s just…it’s not a, I don’t know how to say this. It’s poorer. A small village, with some…unique characters, let’s say. Some might consider…unsavory.”

“Well that just makes it even more exciting.” Ann said with a smile. If Eugenie was surprised by Ann’s sudden boldness, she didn’t show it.

“One thing.” Eugenie said eyeing Ann up and down.” Perhaps this dress…isn’t the best choice, considering the environment we’ll be in. ”

Ann looked down at her dress. A beautiful pink satin dress, with big puff sleeves and a large full skirt. It was ideal for a night at in upscale Paris but certainly would stick out in the neighborhood they were going to.

They decided on a simple white dress, with a navy bluesailor’s ribbon, and a dark maroon skirt. It was usually a dress Ann reserved for traveling but was understated enough for her to blend right in with Montmartre’s inhabitants.

*

Eugenie and Ann took a carriage for hire on the journey to Montmartre. Ann couldn’t articulate to herself where the urge to travel, without Anne, to a strange place that apparently housed uncouth characters came from. No doubt there was still anger there and hurt fueling her new found bravery. But there was something else as well, a curiosity and desire for something different.

A series of windmills came into view aligning a hill top. Little country houses mixed with newer buildings scattered up the cobble streets. The late afternoon sun reflected off the windows.

"The Mountain of Paris. It’s more like a hill.” Eugenie quipped. “But it is beautiful, is it not?”

Walking up Montmartre felt more like climbing a mountain than a hill. The carriage had dropped them off half way up the slope of one of the more busier streets. Ann already felt herself needing to catch her breath after a short distance.

“My sister, she works for the Debrays. Well known family here. They owned the windmills but then the war happened and well, now they own a _guinguette_ , “Moulin De La Galette”. They serve the most divine bread and wine.” Eugenie eyes lit up as she spoke of it. “And there’s dancing, outside. It overlooks the _Seine_ and Paris.”

Ann and Eugenie made their way up the road. Ann felt the same excitement she did when they first entered Paris. They were walking at a faster pace now, but she tried to steal glimpses inside the windows of the houses that they passed by. One window revealed a little boy helping his mother bake bread, another showed a man writing diligently at a desk. These little domestic scenes put to ease any thought that the village was dangerous or unsavory.

All kinds of people passed them by as they continued their walk. A working class man in muddy boots to a tired mother trying to keep track of her young children to a dapper young man with a vibrant colored scarf tied around his neck.

“This village seems perfectly pleasant, Eugenie.” Ann observed as they walked by a little cafe.

“For the most part it is. It’s a growing neighborhood, relatively inexpensive so it attracts all types. Especially the creative, intellectual ones.” Eugenie explained. “But that of course can attract other types as well.” Eugenie lowered her voice to a whisper, “ _Libertine_ types.”

Ann vaguely recalled Anne describing to her once what a Libertine was. A hedonistic, immoral person who did as they pleased.

“Why did your sister move here?”

“A man.” Eugenie answered as she rolled her eyes. “They didn’t last, unfortunately. But she loved Montmartre so she stayed. She has friends here, always has an interesting story to tell. She makes enough money and rent is cheap. Not exactly the shining star of the family, but she’s happy. So that must account for something.”

Ann nodded, thinking about her own family.

As they got closer to the top, a row of old windmills came into closer view.

“I would absolutely love to sketch that.” Ann said, stopping to take in the scene. “What a beautiful view.”

“Wait until we get to the _Moulin_. The views there are wonderful too.”

Just as they were admiring the landscape, another image caught Ann’s attention. A beautiful woman, tall and beautifully dressed in all silks and black velvet, walked by with all the indifference of a goddess.

“A _Lorette._ ” Eugenie said catching Ann’s stares.

“A…what?” Ann stuttered, the spell broken.

“A…prostitute. You can tell by how she dresses. But not your typical _grisette_ , while also not being the same standard as a _courtesan_.”

Ann looked puzzled as they continued their walk. 

Eugenie clocked Ann’s puzzlement and tried to explain further. “So, she has her… _johns_ , let’s say, but more middle class. She’s not working on the streets. That’s an assumption of course. She could be a school teacher for all I know…but I doubt it.”

“Oh, right.” Ann felt a blush form on her skin. She watched as the woman walked up passed a large stone wall that aligned the other side of the street, and through a large archway. Behind the archway and the wall stood an old wooden windmill with the name _Moulin De La Galette_ painted in white at the top of it. 

Ann stopped dead in her tracks. “Why is she going in there?”

“Well, I suppose ladies of the night have to eat too.” Eugenie joked, giving Ann a slight nudge to keep walking. For the first time that night, Ann felt unsure of what she had gotten herself into.

Ann and Eugenie entered in through the same archway.

Beyond the stonewall was a pretty green field. In one section, there were bistro tables and chairs already filled with eager patrons. At the center of the field was the main attraction. An old wooden windmill which was a lot larger up close. Beneath the windmill was a small white building, where Ann could smell the aroma of freshly baked bread.

They made their way into the little white building, which was filled with as many people as it could fit.

To the back of the room was the bar. An older gray haired man was fast at work behind it pouring a glass for one patron and sharing a joke with the next.

“Eugenie!” A young woman ran up and wrapped her arms around Eugenie’s neck.

“Estelle!”

I’d like you to meet Miss Wa-Ann.”

“Bonjour, Ann.” Estelle looked like a younger version of her sister. 

“Come come, outside, it’s much cooler out there. I’ll get you a table.” Estelle ushered them back into the open air.

Ann and Eugenie sat at a table on the outskirts of the dining area. Estelle brought them a bottle of red wine and galette, a delicious type of brown bread.Estelle was busy waiting tables, finding time here and there to stop and chat with her sister in French. Leaving Ann to drink her wine and watch what was unfolding around her.A quartet was just setting up their instruments. 

Estelle came back around with fresh galette, and said in English, “Oh I’ll point out to you all of the famous people. Over there, near the woman in the green dress, that’s Gerard de Nerval, a poet. Oh and over there? That’s Virginie Cotillard, she’s an actress.”

Ann starredwide eyed at the crowd. It seems more and more people were joining the party. Estelle turned her attention to her sister,“Eugenie, you have to meet Michel, he’s at the bar. He’s also from Dieppe! Same years we spent there.” Eugenie turned to Ann offering for her to come along but Ann motioned to the girls to leave with out her.

Ann sat back and observed the crowd. The wine was giving her body a warm, heady feeling. The quartet had just started playing in front of the backdrop of a vibrant pink sky.Couples, one by one, began getting up from the tables and dancing to sounds of the music.

Ann, suddenly feeling self conscious sitting by herself, got up and walked towards the windmill. A rickety wooden staircase led up to the entrance of the old structure. She cautiously ascended the stairs, entered the windmill and was relieved to see she was the only person there. Empty barrels sat in the corner of the room while a large cylinder stone sat in the middle of the room. It was dark, with only light shining through the crack between the wooden walls. She could just barely make out  another old staircase that was across the room. She decided to go up those as well, hoping to find the view Eugenie had mentioned to her earlier.

Ann made it to the top of the stairs but immediately realized she was not alone. The mysterious woman that she observed earlier entering the Moulin had been looking thoughtfully out a window across the room.

The woman turned around slowly, not at all startled by her presence.“Bonjour.” The woman said with a small, easy smile.

Ann was less graceful. “Bonjour. Erm… _Je suis désolé.Je ne_.…”

“No, no. Don’t apologize. I was just up here enjoying the view. You’re English I take it?” Her accent was heavy but the words came out clear.

“Yes.” Ann blushed. “Your English is much better than my French.” The woman smiled.

“I spent some time in Engand.”

Behind the woman was a large, open window that overlooked Paris. The lights across the city were beginning to sparkle as the daylight dimmed.

“That’s beautiful.” Ann remarked, taken by the sight of it.

“I’m sorry, I should introduce myself, I’m Ann Walker.” Extending her hand.

“I’m Genevieve.” Ann took the chance to observe Genevieve’s features up close. She had striking blue eyes, a sharp nose and beautifully defined cheekbones. Her brunette hair was put up in a bun. Up close Ann could observe the smile lines that surrounded her mouth. She looked more human now than the goddess she saw strolling down the street earlier.

“You don’t like being surrounded by all the people?” Motioning to the crowds below.

“Oh.” Ann shook her head, embarrassed. “It can be a little overwhelming.” She didn’t know what to say.

“It’s a lively place. But a beautiful one.” Genevieve said as she starred out at the picturesque scene.

“Do you live here?”

“In Montmartre? Yes. For a few years now. It’s very affordable for a woman living on her own.” Ann had a dozen questions but didn’t know where to begin.

“I was married. Very young. It was not meant to be, a marriage more of convenience…he was not a nice man. Thankfully I was able to leave.”

“Oh. That’s too bad…not the leaving…the marriage.” Ann could feel her shyness getting the better of her.

“And what brings you to Montmartre? This is usually off the beaten path for an English visitor.”

“I…have a friend, Eugenie. Her sister lives here. She works down stairs.” Genevieve raised an eyebrow. No doubt curious as to how a middle class English woman could have acquaintances that worked at a bar.

“Eugenie is my maid.” Ann further explained. "But she’s my friend as well. And I needed to get away from…anyway. I wanted to experience something different.”

“And did you?”

“Pardon me?”

“Experience something different.”

“I…I had galette for the first time which was _delightful._ ” Genevieve laughed. Ann felt herself begin to relax.

“Well, that’s a start.” Genevieve responded decidedly. She walked over to a wine bottle that was placed on a barrel. She offered to fill Ann’s glass. Ann took a seat on a barrel near the window. She didn’t quite know how to fill the awkward silence between them, until Genevieve asked a question that Ann would have much preferred the silence to.

“What was it that you needed to get away from?”

“What? Oh. I had an argument with my…” Ann thought for a second. “well no, the argument hasn’t actually happened yet. But it’s going to.”

“Ah. A power keg that’s about to go off. I know about those.” Genevieve swirled the wine a bit in her glass. “Husbands can be difficult.” 

Ann gulped. She didn’t know if she should lie about the husband, or lie about the marriage, or just say nothing at all. Or…tell the truth? She banished the thought before it could even be completely formed.

She settled with silently nodding her head.

“Yes, um..sh-he sometimes can be very aloof. Doesn’t alway realize when I’m put in an uncomfortable situation. Makes for a…difficult travel companion sometimes.” She felt silly speaking in such vague terms.

“Marriage can be hard…” Genevieve replied, taking a sip from her wine glass.

“It’s usually not hard, quite the opposite actually…We’ve only been married three months. But sometimes I wonder, what…he sees in me.”

Ann felt herself cringe as the word “he” came out of her mouth.

Genevieve was about to respond when the sound of footsteps interrupted.

“Ann! There you are.”

Ann quickly turned around to see Eugenie walking up the stairs.

“I was wondering where you sauntered off to. I feel like I've been dancing for hours. I lost track of time.” Eugenie’s hair was falling out of it’s bun and her skin was glistening.

“I’m fine, Eugenie. Thank you.I was just chatting with Genevieve.”

“Yes, we were just talking about how difficult traveling with a husband can be.” Genevieve said with a smile.

“Oh! Husbands! Thankfully we don’t have to worry about those…not yet at least.” Eugenie said smiling obliviously at Ann. Ann could feel her pulse begin to rise. Both women were dancing dangerously close to a topic that she didn’t want them anywhere near.

“But Miss Lister can be a difficult travel companion. I shouldn’t say anything...but she’s very…strong willed.” Eugenie said with a nervous laugh.

Ann felt the blood rush to her head. She swallowed, avoiding eye contact with Genevieve and Eugenie. Even without looking, she could sense Genevieve’s confusion.Eugenie was none the wiser.

"Oh, Ann. I shouldn’t have said that. She’s my boss after all.”

No Eugenie. it’s fine. She _is_ very…strong willed.”

Eugenie seemed unaware of what had just transpired. She told Ann she was going to have one more dance with Michel and then they would call it a night. Ann closed her eyes tightly as Eugenie left the room.

“Ann-“ 

“No, I’m sorry. There was just confusion over-“

“You don’t have a husband?”

The expression on Ann’s face betrayed any opportunity for her to lie again. She shook her head slightly.

Genevieve looked deep in thought. As if she was carefully planning the next words that would come out of her mouth.

“So Miss Lister is your-”

“I should go-“ Ann made a movement towards the staircase but Genevieve placed a hand on her shoulder.

“I’ve been with women. I’ve been with men too, out of necessity. But women, it’s different.”

Ann turned and stared at Genevieve. She could see the vulnerability on Genevieve’s face.She could feel her own heart pounding in her chest. There was a feeling stirring in Ann that wasn’t something she could yet put a name to. It wasn’t romantic, but she didn’t have the language to articulate what it was.

“Yes.” Was the only response Ann could give.

“It feels isolating,” Genevieve continued carefully."…because no one can know of course, because people will call you queer and unnatural...”

“…But it feels like the most natural thing in the world.” Ann finished her sentence.

Genevieve gave Ann a small smile that hinted at an unnamed sadness. “It does.”

“I know Anne, my…wife had been with other women before. And while I know the thought of that should unnerve me, and it does a bit, I know it also means that there are other women like us. And there’s…a comfort in that.” Ann looked down at her hands, suddenly feeling vulnerable.

She stayed quiet for a second before continuing.

“Beyond that, I’ve never known anyone else like me. I’ve never wanted to marry, never wanted to form a connection of any kind with any man. Women were different though. I first saw Anne-Miss Lister-when I was 14 years old and I knew, I knew it then.”

“It’s strange.” Genevieve began. “When you’re in love you want to feel like it’s only the two of you that have ever experienced it so strongly…that its the best kept secret in the world…”

“And it has to remain a secret.” Ann added with a sad smile.

“That’s why I live in Montmartre. People here are tolerant than most. They turn a blind eye.”

“Do you have someone?”

“I have in the past…not at the moment. Circumstances change, but I’m optimistic.” Genevieve smiled wistfully. There’s a woman, Mademoiselle Anais.She is an actress at the _Comedie-Francais_.”

“And is she just as fond as you?’

“oh, I hope so.”

*

Anne Lister felt the cool evening air on her face as walked back to the hotel. She had sent George back to the hotel earlier in the day, opting for a nice brisk walk rather than a carriage ride. Being able to walk on a nice summer evening through one of her favorite cities would typically be something Anne would cherish, but she couldn’t escape what transpired the night before. She couldn’t shake the pang of guilt as she walked up to her hotel room, fully expecting to see a disappointed Ann waiting for her arrival.

But the room was empty.

She marched across the hall to Eugenie’s room and knocked. No answer. She then went next door to George’s room andknocked aggressively on the door.

“Where’s Miss Walker?” Anne asked as soon as it opened.

“I-I’m not sure, ma’am. I believe she and Eugenie went out-“

“Where did they go?”

“They didn’t say.”

Anne was loosing her patience. “When did they leave?”

George thought hard. “Perhaps early afternoon? I assumed it was to run some errands.”

“The shops would be closed by now. Where else could they be?”

Anne sent George out to look for them. Anne checked the dinner hall, inquired at the clerk’s desk, and then set back out into the night.

*

They finished their glasses of wine and headed back down into the cool night air. The sky was dark now with the city of Paris sparkling down below. People were still dancing, laughing and drinking.

Ann observed the crowd with a lot less anxiety than she had before. Eugenie was still dancing away.

“Why don’t I buy you one more galette before you leave, since you found them so delightful.” Genevieve went to the bar and brought out two freshly baked galettes.

“Well thank you and thank you for keeping me company for the night.” Ann said warmly. “I don’t know how this night would have gone if I hadn’t bumped into you.”

“It was my pleasure.” Genevieve said as she broke off a piece of bread. “You were a pleasant surprise.”

Ann smiled at the compliment. The band was playing an upbeat tune, and couples were dancing all around. 

“Your Miss Lister must be missing you.” Genevieve inquired delicately.

“She’s probably going to be very cross.” Ann responded.

“She’ll probably just be worried.” She assured her.

Ann shook her head.

“You’re lucky you don’t have to be responsible to anyone.” Ann said. “You can come and go as you like.”

“I’m not lucky at all. I’d rather have somebody whose sleep I can ruin with worry.” Genevieve smirked. “It’s a nice feeling knowing somebody misses you, worries about you…” Genevieve said thoughtfully letting the words trail off.

“Besides, I’m responsible to my work. Which is not nearly as loving or as comforting as a woman waiting for you at home.” Genevieive quipped.

Ann remembered what Eugenie had mentioned earlier, about _Lorettes_ and felt slightly alarmed. She didn’t know how to broach the subject delicately.

“Did you start working after you left your husband?” Ann asked cautiously. 

“Well, no. I began dabbling in it while I was still with him. ”

Ann was surprised at how frank Genevieve was.

“Oh...and he was alright with that?”

“No…but when are they ever alright with a woman working?”

“Surely he had enough income so you wouldn’t have to.”

“But I wanted to. It’s my passion.” Genevieve said proudly.

Ann was taken aback by the response.

“It’s your passion?” Ann was unable to hide her surprise and confusion.

“Well…yes.” Genevieve was now equally confused.

“Is it…legal?” Ann asked, whispering the last word.

“Ann, what is it that you think I do?”

Ann opened her mouth but nothing came out.

“Did you think I was a prostitute?”

Ann could feel her face turn red. “I am so sorry, I didn’t think it, it was just how you were dressed-“ Ann immediately regretted saying anything.

Genevieve stared at her for a second and then broke out into uncontrollable laughter. Ann’s mortified face slowly began to crack a small, confused smile.

“Wait until Claire hear’s about this.” Genevieve quipped when she began to regain control of her laughter. “It’s her fault.”

“I didn’t offend you-“

“No! Of course not. I don’t typically dress this…extravagant.” Genevieve said, pulling at her dress. “Perhaps for a salon. But no, my friend is a painter, and she had a flash of inspiration, so of course I had no choice but to be the model and get dressed up.”

“A woman painter?” Ann’s interest was sparked.

“Yes. You two should meet. She is incredibly talented.”

So…what is it that you do?”

“I work for a publishing house. We publish books in all genres. I help around the office, mainly. But there is so much writing talent here, it’s a good way to keep your ear on the ground, so to speak.”

“That’s amazing.” Ann said genuinely intrigued. “Do you like writing?"

“I’ve dabbled in writing, but I like reading mainly. I take inspiration from people who are far more talented.”

Ann smiled. "I should come back here, before I leave Paris."

"You absolutely should." Genevieve responded warmly.

Soon Eugenie finished her last dance and bid farewell to her sister. 

The two said their goodbyes to Genevieve and made their way back to the hotel.

*

Eugenie and Ann arrived back at their hotel well past midnight. Ann didn't know what to expect when she opened the hotel door, but she found Anne staring right at her.

“Where the bloody hell were you?” Ann was startled by Anne’s vulgarity, but didn’t want to show it.

“I had no idea where you were." Anne continued barely controlling the volume of her voice. "I had George out looking for you. _I_ was out looking for you.”

"Did George not tell you we were going out?” Ann said nonchalantly, casually removing her gloves from each hand.

“He said you didn’t tell him where.”

“But you were aware I had left on my own accord to go _somewhere_.”

Anne shook her head in disbelief at Ann’s stubbornness. “Where were you?”

"Eugenie had a sister in Montmartre she wanted to visit. She said there were a lot of interesting-“

“Montmartre? Are you being serious? There are only low lifes, prostitutes-”

“-Artists, composers, playwrights. They were good-natured, interesting people, Anne. People like us.”

Anne let out a bitter laugh. “They are _not_ like us.” She paused.“Is this about last night?”

“What about last night?” Ann deadpanned, feigning ignorance. She casually sat down on the sofa, she wasn't going to let her temper get the better of her.

Anne rang her fingers through her hair. There were too many unanswered questions lingering in the air between them.

“She was your lover.” Ann finally stated matter of factly, answering one of those unanswered questions for herself.

Anne let out an exasperated sigh. “Yes. A long time ago.”

“She still pines for you. That much was clear. And she didn’t think too highly of me."

“Ann, that was a long time ago. She was drunk last night, clearly. That doesn’t give you the right to sneak out and go to God knows where.”

“ _Sneak_ out? Do you hear yourself?”

You are _my_ wife, Ann.”

“-And you are _my_ wife” Ann shot up from her seat slamming her hand on her own chest.

Anne was stunned.

“You are my wife.” She repeated with a gentler tone. 

Ann closed her eyes, letting out a breath before she continued. “You forget that this is a partnership. Yes, I went and I knew you would be cross. Yes, part of me wanted to get back at you.” She sighed. Her emotions were getting the better of her, confusing her previous intentions. “But…I just wanted to visit new places. And see new people. And experience something different. And I did. And I’m glad I did. ”

Anne sat down on the sofa.

“I’m sorry, Anne, but you don’t think twice about going out for a walk without telling me where you’ve gone. And you don’t think twice about allowing me to sit for two hours across from a woman who is in love with you, who you’ve been intimate with, while she _belittles_ me. ”

Anne opened her mouth to speak, “I didn’t mean to say-"

But Ann continued, “Our marriage is one of the most important parts of my life. It’s an oath I don’t take lightly. And it breaks my heart that it’s something we have to hide but _I’m willing to live with it_. Because the alternative would be a life without you and I can’t have that.”

Anne brushed her fingers over her mouth, trying to hide the trembling of her chin.

“But something must change. Going forward. A partnership, is that not what a marriage is? You are not my husband, I am not your husband. This is different to the type of marriages our parents had.”

“I talked to a woman there. And she found out about us. It slipped…somehow." Alarm spread over Anne's face.

"It’s fine, Anne.” She reassured her. “And we talked about women and what it meant to love a woman, because she had as well. And I felt, oh Ann I don’t even know what the word is to describe it. I felt…recognized.And it made me think, ‘well maybe it’s possible one day people will be less cruel, we could be more-“ The words caught in her throat. “I know it’s not, I know it’s not.” Shaking the thought from her head.

Anne let her body fall back against the sofa, exhausted. She looked at Ann, but this time with more empathy rather than anger.

“It was just nice to see…it made me feel like we weren’t alone in this.” Ann continued, her voice more uncertain.

“I know.” Anne sighed. “ I'm sorry, Ann. I was just scared. I wasn’t cross so much that you had left or…maybe a little.” Anne conceded. “But these thoughts kept running through my head of something happening to you. And me not being there to…”

Ann sat down next to her and placed a soft kiss on her lips. “You don’t aways have to protect me.”

Anne rested her forehead against her’s, closing her eyes. “But I do.”

“Does that mean I’ll get to protect you too, when the time comes?” Ann asked. A small smile formed on her lips. “You’re not always as strong as you think.”

Anne smirked.“ _I am._ ” She teased. “ But I suppose I could occasionally let you _think_ I need saving.”

“And how would that play out?” Ann asked playfully.

“I suppose I could fall down a well…" Anne mused. "Or have George dress up as a carriage robber.” Ann laughed.

“And then you would whisk me away. And then you would have your way with me.” Anne stated with a smug grin.

Ann let out another laugh and rested her head on Anne’s shoulder. They stayed like that for a few moments, enjoying the quiet of the early morning hours.

But there was still one more issue that needed to be resolved. Anne inhaled.

“Tib was out of order last night. Absolutely.” Ann felt her body go tense at the mention of Isabella. "She can be a stupid cow. And I should have been more honest with you about my past." Anne swallowed, waiting for Ann's response but didn't receive one.

“Tib doesn’t want me specifically, she wants _someone_. And she’d settle for me, but she wouldn’t be happy with me. I would just be the most convenient. So she doesn’t really have romantic feelings for me at all, if anything I think she’s jealous that I do have someone and also jealous of you because _you_ have someone. Does that make sense?”

Ann listened but remained silent.

“I feel bad for her in that regard.” Anne continued. “She’s no threat. But she’s been my friend for years and she understands me as I understand her. And when she’s not drinking she can actually be quite a formidable friend.”

“So,” Anne proceeded cautiously. “I think it would be good if you two met again in a more relaxed setting. I’ll keep the wine away for as long as I can. And you’ll see then.”

Ann lifted her head off of her shoulder and looked her in the eye. “Will it make you happy?”

“Yes, it would.” Anne responded. Ann gave her a kiss on the lips.

“Then I’ll do it.”Ann went back to laying her head on her shoulder. Anne looked the most relaxed she had been all night.

“As long as you go to Montmartre with me before we leave."


	6. Expressing the Female Form

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! The couple take a trip to the bookshop where Ann finds a book she's intrigued with. Then a trip to the Norcliffe's where things come to a head.

Paris,

Ann awoke to soft kisses being placed gently on her face. She opened her eyes to see Anne looking down at her, a mischievous glint in her eye.

“This is a lovely way to wake up.” Ann said as she lifted her head and kissed her on the lips.

“I thought we have such a busy day ahead of us, we could use some alone time before it begins.” Anne pressed her body against her’s and began trialing kisses down her neck.

Any feeling Ann had of sleep was replaced with desire. She reveled in feeling Anne so close to her, her hands on her skin, lifting up her night gown, her lips on her stomach now. Ann closed her eyes and ran her fingers through Anne’s hair. She spread her legs farther as Anne moved closer, until she could feel Anne's breath on her thighs. Ann raised her night gown over her head, taking it off completely. She could feel Anne’s eye’s looking over her body. She loved this. Her body felt electric.

Anne placed her mouth on Ann’s centre, and the electricity shooting through her body was threatening to overtake her. She moved her hips in tandem with Anne’s mouth. With every second the tension built, until Ann felt the electricity finally overtake her body.

Anne laid her head on Ann’s stomach.“Anne.” She whispered. “I want you nearer…” Anne lifted her head and smiled, bringing her body up so she was laying side by side with Ann.

Ann wrapped her arms around her waist. She breathed in her skin, reveling in her scent.

They laid in silent bliss. The early morning sunlight was creeping over their bodies as Anne lazily traced shapes and designs on Ann’s back.

“I think it’s time to get up, Adney.” She said softly.

“Or we could stay in bed.” Ann burrowed herself further into her wife.

“Love, that does sound tempting.” She felt Ann place a gentle kiss on her collarbone.

“But we have tea with the Norcliffes.” Ann groaned into her skin.

“Come on, Ann. It won’t be a long visit. And then we can explore Paris together.”

Ann lifted her head up. Her messy blond curls and pouting face was almost too much for Anne.

“You’re…adorable.” Anne mused. Ann furrowed her brow at the last word.

“Adorable? _Adorable?”_ Ann climbed onto Anne’s lap. “Surely I’m more than that…”

“You are…so many things at once, Miss Walker.” Leaning up to give a kiss on her lips. Ann moved to deepen the kiss, but Anne moved her head away.

“But I also thought we could get to the book shop before heading to the Norcliffes. They carry both English and French translations.” She said as she checked her watch. “Which means we have…thirty minutes to get ready. So this ruse is not going to work.” Anne jumped out of bed, leaving her forlorn wife sitting in the middle of the bed.

—————

Ann looked over at her wife. She walked with such a noble, confident stride. Her chin held up, one hand holding a walking cane. Ann felt the urge to reach out to her,to slip her in the crook of her arm and to walk with just as much confidence along side her.

Their first stop was the Galerie Vivienne, a beautiful little arcade filled with little shops. Ann looked up at the glass ceiling that came to a point above their heads.

A beautiful old bookshop stood on one side of the arcade.

As they entered A rather small man with a mustache greeted them from behind the counter. “Bonjour!”

“Bonjour.” They both replied in unison.

“Ah. English visitors.” He walked over from behind the counter. “Is there any book you were looking for in particular today?”

“Anything on botany?” Anne asked as she walked with the clerk to the other side of the shop.

Ann slowly made her way through the book shop, reading the titles of the subjects located above the shelves “Histoire”, Mathemetiques”, she brushed her hand over the books, reading the titles on the spines.

She went over to the art section. Leafing through books on the Renaissance and Greek sculptures some books were in English but many of course, were in French. She enjoyed the smell of books, breathing in the pages as she flipped through them.

She put a book on Dutch paintings back on the shelf when another title caught her eye. It was in French, but in English it translated to _Expressing the Female Form._

_A_ nn’s fingers lingered on the spine but she hesitated. She discreetly looked around the bookshop. Anne was talking animatedly with the clerk in front of the science section. An older gentleman had entered and was perusing a shelf only a few sections away from her. She waited until the man disappeared to the other end of the shop before she picked up the book.

She didn’t know why she was nervous. Certainly it won’t be more scandalous for her to pick up a book on drawing the male form. But perhaps she was worried a passerby would notice something in her own expression as she leafed through the book.

A sketch of a woman, her back exposed with her head turned just slightly enough so you could see her profile greeted her eyes on the first page she opened to. Every muscle and curve of her body was accounted for in the drawing. Ann could feel her eyes widening as she moved through the pages. These weren’t romanticized views, but realistic, accurate portrayals of women.The text was mostly instructions on perspective, shading, proportion, etc.

Ann closed the book and held it in her hands for a moment. Then she walked purposefully through the shop straight to the register. The clerk’s assistant, who had been lost reading a novel,was startled to see Ann standing before him still clutching the book with both hands.

“Are you ready to make a purchase, Mademoiselle?”

“Yes, thank you.” She said, a little tense, as she handed the book over to the young man.

She paid for the item and quickly placed the book in her hand bag just as Anne was walking over.

“Got yourself a book?”

“An art book.”

“Ah, lovely.” Anne placed her book on the counter.

Ann looked at the title _. An Elemental Inquiry into the laws of the vital Functions._

She then looked at her wife. “Sounds _fascinating.”_ She quipped.

—

They arrived at the hotel Meurice. A beautiful, new hotel housed in what was once a palace for a noble family, they both found themselvesstruck by the grandeur of the lobby.

“We’ll have to stay here on our next trip.” Anne leaned over and whispered to Ann.

Isabella greeted them as she opened the door. Through the door was a spacious hotel suite, equipped with two bedrooms, a dressing room and a parlor room, when Isabella led them into.

“My mother won’t be joining us unfortunately. ” Isabella said as she motioned for them to sit down at a table close to the balcony doors.“She had surprise invitation to a luncheon with an old friend.”

“Look at that view.” Ann said as she walked towards the open balcony doors..

“That’s too bad.” Anne responded to Isabella. Anne said as she threw her hat and coat onto the sofa. Immediately the atmosphere seemed more relaxed, knowing it would just be the three of them. 

“These rooms are fit for a queen.” Anne said as she observed the chandelier hanging above their heads.

“Or a king.” Isabella quipped.

“Or a jester.”Anne shot back.

They both began laughing.

The ease that Anne and Isabella had with each other only made Ann feel more uncomfortable. She didn’t know how to fall in step with their quick humor.

“You have such a lovely view of the Tuileries Gardens.” Ann said, admiring the view from through the open balcony doors.

“It’s quite nice.” Isabella agreed. “Only problem is the woman I’m sharing it with.” She added with a laugh.

“Oh, your mother isn’t so bad.” Anne said as she took her seat.

“Well, she’s very fond of you. I think she wishes you were her daughter instead sometimes.”

Anne snorted. “I wouldn’t wish that experience on anyone.”

“So how have you been enjoying Paris?”

“It’s just been running errands mostly.” Anne said taking a sip of her tea. “We did get to the bookshop before coming here.”

Isabella couldn’t hide her disinterest. “Anne, that’s boring.”

Ann let out a little laugh out Isabella’s bluntness.

“I myself went to a _Salon_ last night.” Isabella bragged jokingly.” All women. _Wonderful_. Talking about science and literature. _Horrible_.”

Anne laughed. “You were never one for intellectual discussions.”

Isabella turned her attention towards Ann.

“Have you done any exploring of Paris yet? Or just running errands?”

“I actually went to Montmartre. With Eugenie. One of her sisters lives there and we went to this ,erm restaurant, with the windmill-

“You went to Montmartre? Without Anne?” Isabella was visibly surprised at Ann’s trip.

“Mm." Ann responded taking a sip of her tea. "Just with Eugenie.”

“Well, well, well. Little Miss Walker. And how did you enjoy that?” Ann winced at Isabella’s pet name for her.

“There were all sorts of people there. Writers, actors, artists…Including a woman who works for a publisher.She’s…”Ann stopped herself, she didn’t know how much information she should divulge.

“We talked a great deal.” She left it there.

“And what sort of insightful discussions did you have with these vagabonds?” Isabella asked. Ann sensed the old mocking tone was coming back to her voice but ignored it.

“We talked about life and…”

“I’m sure you had a lot to say about that topic seeing as you’ve experienced so much of it.” Tib interrupted. Ann looked at Tib, stunned.

“Tib, you promised-“

“-And love. And women. Being in love with women.” Ann finished forcefully. Tib and Anne were both taken aback by Ann's tone.

“Did you?” Tibasked genuinely.

“Yes. Something all of us at this table are familiar with.”Ann added pointedly. Anne reached out to hold her hand but Ann shot up from the table.

Tib just stared in disbelief at Ann.

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Isabella. You seem to have this preconceived image of me that I can’t possibly shake. And lord knows I’ve tried being nice to you. I've ignored the remarks.Completely in vein.” Ann got up from the table and walking towards the balcony before stopping and turning to face Isabella again.

“Don’t call me little Miss Walker again.” She warned, then went out on the balcony.

“Why do you do this?” Anne was completely exasperated. She began to get up from her chair but Tib stopped her.

“No, Anne. Let me talk to her. I owe it to her.” Anne studied Tib's face about to object, but then relented. 

Tib walked out to the balcony where Anne was staring blankly out at the gardens across the street. Clearly still trying to control her anger. She didn’t bother acknowledging Tib’s presence when she stood next to her.

Tib swallowed hard, observing the same view as Ann before she began to speak. “I painted you a certain way in my head in part because I thought you had already made assumptions about me in your own.” Tib started, nervous. “I apologize for how I behaved at dinner…and just now. I was wrong. I let things get the better of me when I shouldn’t.”

“I accept your apology.” Ann said quietly, still looking out on the views below them.

A few moments of silence passed before Tib continued. “We created spaces where we could be ourselves. We were like a club of sorts. We let others in that we thought were like us. That understood us. Some did, most did not. They left.”

Ann narrowed her eyes. Still making a point not to look at Tib but making more of an effort to listen.

"Plenty of people _like_ Anne.” Tib continued. “She’s very likable. She’s clever and can tell a story like no one else. You know this. But not many _understand_ her, which I suppose is part of the appeal. They look upon her as an oddity, an amusement. So when I see someone who seems to see her completely….I mean, you seem to understand her nature. Don’t you?”

Ann nodded. “And she understands mine.”

Tib looked impressed with the response. “Then I have no choice but to see you as friend.”

Ann turned her head to look at Tib. “I know what it’s like to be viewed as different or an oddity. People have painted me as being mad, a shut in, naive,and now when we get back to Halifax, I know they’ll have views of me because of my relationship with Anne. But if that’s what it takes to be true to myself and to Anne. Then…that’s what it takes.” Tib studied Ann’s face, before allowing a kind smile to appear.

“Are you two alright?” Anne asked standing at the doorway.

“Yes, I think we have a better understanding of each other now.” Ann said.

“I don’t like how you’ve treated her, Tib,” Anne said still unsure of their conversation.

Tib gave a nod to Anne. “I think we’ve made good. I can be a right cow sometimes.”

“Right. Let’s get back in side and I’ll break out the Madeira.”

The gang sat back down at the table, easing into conversation now that the tension that had previously lingered disappeared.

“So, Montmartre.” Tib said, thinking back to the earlier conversation. “I’ve actually heard good things about it.”

Anne scoffed. “It’s a place for vagabonds and libertines.”

“Then it sounds like our kind of place.” Tib said with a wink.

“I’m going to be taking her this week to visit.” Ann stated proudly as she squeezed Anne’s thigh. “And she’ll like it too, once she’s there.” She added impishly.

Tib gave Ann a conspirational smile.

“I think this Miss Walker is good for you, Anne. You’re loosing your edge.”

“I’m not loosing my edge-“

“Oh, the stories I could tell…” Tib said teasingly.

“Don’t.” Anne cautioned.

“I’d _love_ to hear them.” Ann responded eagerly.

But before Tib could enlighten her with the sordid details of Anne’s past, Mrs Norcliffe came through the door and into the room.

Anne rose to her feet greeting Mrs. Norcliffe.

“What a delight to see you, Miss Lister. ”

“And Miss Walker, you look as lovely as ever.” She said grasping Ann’s hands.

“I’m so sorry I missed tea. ButI do have a little gift for you, we have our own box at Comedie-Francais, it has a great view of the stage.” She said as she walked over to a desk. Picking up a piece of paper she returned handing it to Anne. “This grants you entry into our box.Tomorrow’s show is supposed to be quite good.” Ann’s eyes lit up at the gift. “I thought you, Miss Walker and Isabella would enjoy it.”

———————————

So what kind of stories was Tib going to tell me.” Ann asked as they were getting ready for bed.

Anne shook her head. “Oh it’s really nothing, Ann.”

“But we’ve never actually talked about it.” Ann responded as she pulled back the sheets and slipped under the covers. Adjusting her body so she could continue talking to Anne.

“About what?” Anne pulled back the covers, but stared at Ann.

“About your past.”

Anne immediately moved her eyes away from Ann’s and began preoccupying herself with fluffing her pillow. “We have.”She stated simply.

“Not fully.”

“You know about Mariana…”

“I didn’t know about Tib until a few days ago.” Ann said, deliberately seeking out her eyes so she couldn’t look away.

Anne let out a sigh.

“I’m genuinely curious.” Ann said eagerly. “I’m not trying to start an argument. I just want to know.”

Anne got under the covers, laying her head down on the pillow. She was thinking hard, looking up at the ceiling. One hand behind her head. Lost in old memories. 

“There was Eliza,” Anne began tentatively after a moment. “when I was still at school. There was a widow, years after that. A woman in Paris briefly.There were other, fleeting flirtations over the years.”

Ann mulled over the information in her head. “How did you manage it? How did you find other people that were… _inclined_?”

“All sorts of ways. I suppose. We talked, then flirted very subtly at first, just to gauge the response. Sometimes I would reference something from Grecian history or if they’ve read the Sixth Satire-bits of the stories that alluded to love between the same sex.”

“You didn’t ask me any of that.”

“No…I asked if you had read Byron.”

“Right…” Ann responded, a little confused.

“Which you had.”

“Yes…”

“Which was a little concerning.”

Ann was even more puzzled. “Why?”

“Because…because it meant you were a bit more worldly than you were letting on.”

“‘ _Worldly?_ ’ ‘ _Letting on_ ’?” Ann repeated back.

“No, I didn’t mean-“

“Perhaps you just made assumptions about me?”

“I _did_ make assumptions about you, Ann. That’s probably why you were such a shock to me.”

Ann shifted to get a better look at Anne, her expression begging for further explanation.

Anne half smiled. “You were an interesting one. Because you never hid your desire from me. You seemed to understand immediately what I was about and that didn’t scare you. Perhaps it scared me a bit.”

Ann looked at her with genuine surprise. “I scared you?”

Anne smirked. “You can be as meek as that flame one moment,” She said pointing to a dimming lamp near the bed. “But could burn down a house the next."

Ann took in that analogy. No one had described her in that way before.

“You were _so_ certain, that I questioned it. I second guessed it. I thought to myself, ‘Surely she’s expecting far more than I can give.”

“What would I have been expecting?”

Anne clenched her jaw. “A man. Perhaps.” She responded with some degree of shame.

Ann was baffled at the answer.

“Anne, I-I never thought that.”

“I know. I just thought you would have been disappointed with our first time, which is why I pushed it off.”

“I wasn’t disappointed at all.”

Anne smiled. “Oh, I know.”

They both laid there silently for awhile, lost in their thoughts.

“I don’t have any stories like that…” Ann said softly. “About other women.”

“That’s certainly not something to be ashamed of.”

“I just don’t have anything to add…i’ve never been with anyone else besides…” Ann’s voice trailed off.

Anne turned on her side to get a better look at Ann, propping her head up on her hand.

“He doesn’t count.”

“So really it’s only been you.” Ann said looking her in the eyes.

“Do you wish you had more lovers?”

“No. no.” Ann shook her head, trying to grasp what her own feelings were. “I think… just the way you and Tib talk to one another. The history you have of getting into to trouble and getting out of it…I wish I had your friends. Or the camaraderie you had with them.”

Ann thought hard again, trying to simplify her own thoughts. “I guess I justwish that I had people to talk to, and to experience things with, growing up.”

“You had Catherine.”

Ann shot her an incredulous look.

“Catherine’s a wonderful friend but not someone you can confide too deeply in.”

Anne lifted her eyebrows, conceding that point. She look at her wife, a mischievous look forming on her face.

She reached for Ann’s hand, playing with it absent mindedly.

“So I’ll ask you a question.” Anne began. “When was the first time you had feelings for the fairer sex?”

Ann looked at her, bemused.

“Why are you asking me that?”

“Because these are the types things Tib and I would confide in each other about.”

Ann bit her lip. Suddenly slightly embarrassed.

“Well, you.”

“Alright.” Anne looked smug. “Just me?”

“Um…no.”

“Didn’t think so. Who else?”

“There was Miss Smith, who would come and give us drawing lessons. I…” Ann smiled. “I would wait at the window all morning, waiting for her arrival. Even though I knew what time she would arrive. But I wanted to be able to watch her without interruption as she came down the path.” Ann cringed at the memory. “Is that bad?”

“No…a little odd. Only a tiny bit.” Anne teased.

I think my family thought I looked up to her. I just thought she was pretty.”

“Anyone else?” Anne gently pushed.

“…There was the daughter of one my father’s colleagues, Abigail. She was a little older than me. We weren’t really friends.But I would stare at her at dinners. Completely enamored.”

“You did a lot of staring, Miss Walker.”

“More than I care to admit.”

Anne chuckled. “Alright. Next question.”

Ann winced. “Uh oh.”

“Just you wait.” Anne thought carefully about how to word it. “When was the first moment you felt you could kiss me?”

Ann let out a breath, her eyes sparkling as she thought about the question. “We were at the moss hut.” She began. “And you took my hand in your’s under the guise of you wanting to check my pulse or something like that. I could have certainly kissed you then. I’m sure I had the desire before, but that was the first time I understood it fully.” Ann’s heart beat quickened at the memory.

Ann looked over at her wife, who was already staring back at her, with the most serious gaze.

“And when did you realize…you wanted to do more with me?” Anne finally asked after a moment.

Ann’s breath hitched at the question.

She looked into her wife’s eyes, then looked at her body. Her eyes were growing darker.

Ann pressed her body close to her’s and placed her mouth close to her ear.

“That evening you wanted to further,” She half whispered. "but I wouldn’t let you…So when you left, yhat night it was all I could think about-“ Anne slowly moved her hand under Ann’s night shirt. Her breathe was quickening.

“Did you fantasize about me touching you like this. Putting my hand on your queer?” Anne asked as she began to move her fingers against her wet skin.

But Ann climbed on top of her, shaking her head slowly.

Putting her lips back onto her ear she said,

“I fantasized about putting my hand on your’s.”

Ann placed her fingers into her folds, already wet. She began moving in rhythm, moving her own centre against Anne’s thigh. Anne starred up at her wife. Ann began kissing her face, still lost in the moment. Anne was moving her hips to match her wife’s rhythm. Ann’s nightshirt had moved off her shoulder, exposing her breast. Anne allowed her hand to crawl up Ann’s torso onto the exposed skin. Massaging it delicately, allowing her fingers to rub circles around her nipple. But, still, one more question was lingering.

“And why were you so certain of me?” Anne asked breathlessly, between kisses. “When you could have had a male suitor? An easy life?”

“Because I love you.” Ann stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. She kissed her again, passionately, not loosing her rhythm.“Why would I want to share any of this with someone I didn’t love?” Getting lost in each other, they carried on until the both climaxed.

Ann had collapsed on her wife’s chest. Listening as heart beat began to steady. She felt Anne wrap her arms around her, wanting her closer.

“I’m the luckiest woman in the world, Anne. The luckiest.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do use Isabella and Tib interchangeably, which going forward I'll just call her Tib. Make it easier. The true bits in this chapter is the trip to visit the Norcliffe's in their fancy hotel and Mrs Norcliffe gifting Anne their private box for a play. The rest, pure conjecture. I did borrow a quote from The Price of Salt. Thought it was fitting. Thanks for reading!!

**Author's Note:**

> “There is a pleasure in the pathless woods,  
> There is a rapture on the lonely shore,  
> There is society, where none intrudes,  
> By the deep Sea, and music in its roar:  
> I love not Man the less, but Nature more,  
> From these our interviews, in which I steal  
> From all I may be, or have been before,  
> To mingle with the Universe, and feel  
> What I can ne’er express, yet cannot all conceal.”  
> ~Lord Byron, 1812


End file.
